Conned Grandma vs. Alcoholic Spouse
Two years ago I wrote a piece suggesting that Democrats should try to have sympathy for Trump voters who end up worse off as a result of Trump's policies [Trump America]. It was based on the premise that Trump's policies would be bad for everyone, including and especially for people who voted for him. The way I framed it in my mind is that it would be like your Grandma getting scammed by a con man. She lost her house and her savings because she trusted someone that she shouldn't have. She was acting on bad information, but she's not a bad person. She has a good heart. It wouldn't be productive to tell your Grandma, "I told you so." She needs your support and maybe a gentle reminder that she shouldn't open emails from strangers.
That's what I wrote two years ago, but that was then and this is now.
After the shocking results of the 2016 election I started listening to the Fox News channel on my way to and from work. Outnumbered in the morning and Sean Hannity in the evening. I wanted to understand what the "other side" was saying and thinking, because clearly there was a large percentage of the country that had views very different from my own. After listening these past two years, my conclusion is that the wrongness of their opinions is matched only by the acrimoniousness with which they are expressed. Listening to Sean Hannity yell about crooked Hillary Clinton and the bought and paid for Steele dossier every day for the past two years has made me doubt whether I can live up to my own ideals.
The way I think about Trump voters has evolved. They aren't like your conned Grandma, they're like an alcoholic spouse. An alcoholic spouse will lie right to your face even though the evidence that they're lying is right there in front of you. An alcoholic spouse scoffs when you point out the ways that their behavior has hurt you, while simultaneously claiming that they are the real victim. An alcoholic spouse gaslights you into thinking that you're the crazy one for trying to point out that their behavior is self-destructive. An alcoholic spouse invites chaos into your life, making it impossible to set plans and follow through on them. And when it comes to an alcoholic spouse, forgiveness only comes when they admit that they have a problem and start the down the arduous path of making amends.