I believe Dr. Ford

I believe Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. I believe her because I can relate to her. Not because my experiences match hers exactly, but I can relate to her in the way that I understand how childhood experiences have a lasting impact on the rest of your life. I can relate to her in the way that I inhabited my school years from a position of weakness, while others were in a position of strength.

It's impossible for me to separate my politics from my experiences. It's a nice idea to think that political considerations have a right or wrong answer, but that just doesn't seem to be the case. It's an inherent contradiction in how we approach politics that both sides believe in the objective truth of their own positions. The reality is that my experiences are the lens through which I view facts. I can't separate myself out from the information I'm trying to process.

When I was in college I was fairly apolitical by choice. I wrote an essay at the time about the reasons why I wasn't voting in the '96 presidential election. It wasn't until many years later, around the time we entered the war in Afghanistan that I became more politically minded. After becoming politically minded I thought back to my high school years and I realized that I'd been political all along. My mere existence was political. I wasn't a rough-and-tumble boy like many of the other boys in my neighborhood. I was shy, sensitive, and inquisitive. My friends, the people that I was drawn to, were outsiders and misfits, like me. Looking back, my friends all shared certain traits, like accepting people for who they were even if they didn't fit the mold of social norms.

I was completely blown away by the courage Dr. Ford showed, recounting her story with the whole country watching. There is absolutely no way I could have done the same if I were in her position. I could have told some stories about my Brett Kavanaugh. I could have told the story about how my Brett Kavanaugh punched me while I was getting off the school bus, and how the next day the girl who sat next to me in class asked me why I was such a pussy. I could have told the story about how my Brett Kavanaugh kicked me from behind and then his friend told me that I had a foot print on my ass. I could have told the story about how my Brett Kavanaugh was stepping on the backs of my feet while I was walking to Social Studies, and when I turned around to say something, he gut punched me so hard that it knocked the wind out of me. When I got to class my friend asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't answer because I was too ashamed and embarrassed. Those stories certainly stuck with me, and I could probably talk about them, but there are others that are too complicated. I wouldn't even know how to put them into words.

Those experiences don't define me. I got past my issues to the point that I can thrive as an adult. But those experiences are still a part of me, and the best way for me to use those experiences is to see myself when I see people who are being bullied. To feel sympathy for people who are treated unjustly. To stand up for people who don't have have the strength or resources to stand up for themselves. I do what I can to help the less fortunate because I've been there. I know what the bell jar feels like.

There is no perfect victim and being a victim does not make you a better person. Trauma is not a one way street. It's more like a virus that spreads from person to person. The key is recognizing that and stopping it from spreading. I learned years after the fact that my Brett Kavanaugh died of a heroin overdose. He struggled with his own demons.

People are imperfect. Brett Kavanaugh is imperfect. Even if he has no memory of the incident that Dr. Ford described, he had a real opportunity to look at his own behavior with a critical eye. He had an opportunity to be honest with himself and with us. But he chose not to do that. He chose to go on the attack instead. For me, that's a red flag. Honesty is the glue that holds society together. If we stop being honest with ourselves and each other, then there's no hope for us.